a little anxious and antsy...

today is two weeks before school starts, i find myself a little anxious and antsy. do you ever get that way? i do. we have alot of new things happening at our school this year. we have a new principal, new teachers coming in and i never know what grade i will be teaching. our enrollment varies every year. so we never know if we are going be moved.

do you ever feel like everything is closing in on you? i do. sometimes. with everything that comes with a new school year and getting everything for the girls that they need for school and getting my classroom ready. i guess if i had to tell you a little about myself, is that we were very poor growing up, i find that i get anxious when it comes to money. we rarely ever got anything new and i want my girls to have such a different life than i did. not only in the temperature in the house, but also in every other way too. i had a good cry today.

i made david sit down and listen to me. sometimes i find my emotions so raw. i just told him everything that i am anxious about. wow he said i didn't realize all that goes on in your mind at once. i am nervous in writing this. i don't know why. have you ever noticed that you can help others with their crisis, but when it comes to your own, you can't even take your own advise. aren't we all supposed to have everything together all the time? i feel like that sometimes. not that anyone ever made me feel like that. it is the pressure i place on myself. do you ever feel like you are becoming everything that you didn't want to become? i want to be such an awesome mother. i know at the bottom of my soul that everything will be alright, it just seems like i have to have a good cry before my soul can get that across to my flesh.

i am working on that with several interventions. God and the word are among the first. this is one of my areas of my life that i am growing in on my spiritual journey with the Lord. i have discovered that i am a worrier. i used to not be. i wonder if that is because i am a mom. i have made incredible progress, but i still have set backs, as we all do.

i am also a planner. i like things neat and orderly. i used to not, but now i do.teaching has had that affect on me. things have to be in order at work or you find yourself with a lesson that was supposed to be 40 minutes lasting only 20. we came up with a plan. at least it is a start.

i guess that is why God has had me studying Philippians. none the less i will trust in the Lord and allow His word to soothe my raw emotions. thank you God for listening. sometimes i just feel better writing things down and talking to you.

ttfn......