i am carrying my girls to college....

i have decided that i am carrying my girls to college. now david has said that from the beginning and i agree. we had to wait so long for the blessing of our children, i never want to leave them. it is during the summer that i get to know my girls in way that i wouldn't normally, if i wasn't a teacher. we get to have so many mornings that it is just me and them, because david is flying. he has been flying alot lately. don't get me wrong, i miss him, but it is nice when it is just me and the girls. we play games, paint our nails, watch movies, go to the park, play in the sand, and just get to visit with each other.

i am truly blessed to have the wonderful girls that i do. i value them, i delight in them, i cherish them. it is in these times that i God whispers to me that he loves me the way i love them. what a precious God we serve. it is in these times that i look into hannah or bekah's eyes and feel all the love that a mother could ever feel. it is in these times that i feel complete and full of joy. it is in these times that i am overwhelmed with warm mushy feelings that only come from being a mother. it is truly the best gift in the world. i ask God daily to refresh me, make me the mother he intended me to be for these girls. it is then that i ask God to watch over my girls and protect them and fill their lives with joy and peace. it is there that i pray that david and i raise the girls to be everything God intended them to be. i pray for every aspect of their lives. i feel so unworthy to raise them and God gently reminds me that i am not alone. He is with me every step of the way. leading and guiding me. helping me to show them a Godly example of what a mother looks like and acts like.

i have to admit i have made many mistakes. i have cared more about keeping the house clean instead of playing together with them. i have spent to much time with others instead of focusing on them. i have watched too much t.v. instead of going outside with them. i have been frustrated when i should have been compassionate. i have yelled when i should listened. God forgive me. it is then in the quiet of the night when God softly speaks to my heart and whispers," Be still and know that I am God. I have everything under control even their future. you have dedicated them to Me before they were born. I have not forsaken them or you. I will be here forever with you. " I have equipped you to be their mother."

it is there when i get on my knees and with a heart full of gratitiude and eyes full of tears that i thank Him. and He lifts me up only to rejuvenate my spirit.

i have decided i am carrying my girls to college, if only in my heart.