i got busy.......

so after my good cry, i decided to get busy. remember i said i am a planner. every year before school we clean out the girls rooms and closets. i started with rebekah's room. i was getting a little with bekah playing with everything, i guess david could tell because he stopped doing what he was doing, to come and help me. i know, i know, i am INCREDIBLY spoiled. don't matter he will be repaid. here are some before and after pictures.

a little anxious and antsy...

today is two weeks before school starts, i find myself a little anxious and antsy. do you ever get that way? i do. we have alot of new things happening at our school this year. we have a new principal, new teachers coming in and i never know what grade i will be teaching. our enrollment varies every year. so we never know if we are going be moved.

do you ever feel like everything is closing in on you? i do. sometimes. with everything that comes with a new school year and getting everything for the girls that they need for school and getting my classroom ready. i guess if i had to tell you a little about myself, is that we were very poor growing up, i find that i get anxious when it comes to money. we rarely ever got anything new and i want my girls to have such a different life than i did. not only in the temperature in the house, but also in every other way too. i had a good cry today.

i made david sit down and listen to me. sometimes i find my emotions so raw. i just told him everything that i am anxious about. wow he said i didn't realize all that goes on in your mind at once. i am nervous in writing this. i don't know why. have you ever noticed that you can help others with their crisis, but when it comes to your own, you can't even take your own advise. aren't we all supposed to have everything together all the time? i feel like that sometimes. not that anyone ever made me feel like that. it is the pressure i place on myself. do you ever feel like you are becoming everything that you didn't want to become? i want to be such an awesome mother. i know at the bottom of my soul that everything will be alright, it just seems like i have to have a good cry before my soul can get that across to my flesh.

i am working on that with several interventions. God and the word are among the first. this is one of my areas of my life that i am growing in on my spiritual journey with the Lord. i have discovered that i am a worrier. i used to not be. i wonder if that is because i am a mom. i have made incredible progress, but i still have set backs, as we all do.

i am also a planner. i like things neat and orderly. i used to not, but now i do.teaching has had that affect on me. things have to be in order at work or you find yourself with a lesson that was supposed to be 40 minutes lasting only 20. we came up with a plan. at least it is a start.

i guess that is why God has had me studying Philippians. none the less i will trust in the Lord and allow His word to soothe my raw emotions. thank you God for listening. sometimes i just feel better writing things down and talking to you.

ttfn......

bekah you are a hoot......

i forgot to post the funniest thing yesterday.

now i have to tell a little story first so you will understand why this is funny. i was raised baptist and once a month our church would have lunch in our fellowship hall together. i was raised calling it dinner on the grounds.

we were sitting at the table eating breakfast (which rarely happens on Sunday morning, it is usually breeding ground for the enemy)when bekah asked if we were going to eat out with aunt lisa and ro-ro (that's what we call my brother-in-law royce)after service. i said no, we were going to eat at church.

she then replied with all the seriousness she could, Oh!!!! I JUST LOVE IT WHEN WE HAVE DINNER ON THE FLOOR.

david and i just lost it. so much joy out of such a small person.. bekah you crack us up...

could things get any higher??????

today me and the girls went to but groceries at wal-mart. i am constantly surprised at the rising cost of things. now you must remember when david and i first got married we could live on $50 of groceries for two weeks. you know, buying on package of hot dogs and making them last for two meals. we were very poor. we would make a pot of spaghetii last for three if not four meals. it astounds me that milk at w.m. is $4.27 a gallon. i remember when it was $1.19. i am floored. don't worry no need take up a collection, i am just floored at the rising cost of things. here's a little tid bit.... my mom fed 9 people in the 70's ( i had 3 big brothers and one sister that could eat like the boys) for what she could feed just her and dad in the 90's.

here is something else that amazes me. david and i just a few short years could order two meals at almost any restaurant for a little under $20.00. now when we go to eat out and most the time david and i split and hannah and bekah split and it runs us about $32.00.

david and i feel very blessed,but geez where does it end? i guess i am still the little girl who lives in a live farm house in the country. i still think everything should be the same price it was back then.

p.s. Thank you God, that you provide, so that i can feed my family. i work with many children whose parents barely can. Please make their provisions stretch far, far.

family fun.......

here are some pictures from our vacation. we had such a great time. God was so good to us he made it rain just enough to cool off the heat of the day.

used of You......................

hey we are back. we got home about 4:30 ish on friday. we had a great trip. it rained alot but just at the right times to cool off the heat of the day. sea world was great and so was the river walk. we took our kids to the imax. they loved it and so did i. it was a refreshing family time. hannah and rebekah are funny so we had alot of laughs. i have alot of pictures that i will down load later. hannah took my camera batteries to listen to her c.d. player on the way home and i have not gotten them back from her.

i have always loved my girls, but i do find that the older they get the more i enjoy spending time with them. please don't take that the wrong way, its just as they get older there is a whole world that you get to experience with them and through their eyes. i am a blessed woman. our relationships finds new territory on a daily basis. and that is exciting to me. i find myself often reflecting on what God holds in store for them and doing alot of praying.

my children complete me. they make me proud to be a mother. i know it is truly only God that completes us, so please understand what i am trying to say. a mother is supposed to love her children, but i find myself falling in love with them more and more everyday. everyday i find simplistic joy in just being with them and watching them grow into the blossoming young ladies that God has intended them to be and i am thankful that i am a part of it. i find that i am truly in the will of God when i am mothering them. that may sound silly, but that is how i feel.

today i was searching the scriptures to quiet my spirit and i stumbled across these scriptures: i am currently studying Philippians and the psalms. here is what i read today.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger
and rich in love. The Lord is good to all, he has compassion
on all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of all
who fear Him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches
over all who love him. Psalm: 145

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say rejoice. Let your
gentleness be know to all mankind.

i am beginning a new quest in my life. i have just finished reading the second book in the series, and i am so moved. the main character in the book has endured horrific things and she (even though fictitious) has made a huge impact on my life. she never returned an unkind word or thought towards others that were horrible to her and even tried to end her life. she had absolute faith in Christ. she knew that all things work together to the glory of God. my new quest is to be such a blessing to everyone i am around and know. to love everyone as Christ loves them. i want to become a selfless person. to always put others needs and wants ahead of my own. i want to have such a servants heart.i want to love those that don't love me. i want to bless those who haven't been blessed in a life time. i want to be friend the friendless. i know this is a life long mission and the goal may not be reached until i enter heaven. i want Jesus to fill me with such peace and joy that it is automatically imparted to others i come in contact with. i want to not grow weary in doing good for in due time a crop will be harvested. i want to be instant in season and out of season. Jesus i ask that you go before me and lead the way my heart is so willing but my flesh is so stubborn. i thank you that nothing is impossible with You. My constant abiding love.

a look into my life................

i am sitting here at the computer, sunday night late, wanting to write something and not really knowing what to write.

i decided i would write about the miracle of how hannah came to be.i met david when i was 20. he was larger than life and i knew the night i met him, that we would marry. for me it was love at first sight. david and i got married at 22 just a few years later we decided we would begin a family. i remember in our wedding book, there was a page that was titled hopes and dreams, that God would do miraculous things through us in our marriage. it was a marriage made in heaven. we didn't have any money at all.we were so poor. but we were in love and that was all that mattered. i hadn't even finished college, but we thought we were ready. we were about 24. we were full of hopes and dreams, like most people have when they decide to begin a family. our child would have david's sense of humor and my brown eyes. they would be very funny just like their dad.

we began trying and a year flew by, nothing happened.we weren't really worried about it, but decided to go to my gyn. doctor. knowing that he would be able to help us, with something, and soon enough we would be pregnant. we were living in a one bedroom tiny apartment at the time. it was so small. but that didn't matter. well we did go to the doctor, and he put us on clomid. and what do you know we were pregnant within three months. i was so elated. there are no words to describe how david and i felt. i was on a mountain top. i called everybody in my life, even those that weren't, to tell them the good news. Wow God was faithful. we were attending Grace Fellowship at the time. that is where we met becky and andy dickson. our church family was so excited for us. we all celebrated. i had started back to college to become a teacher at the time. we found our we were pregnant in the late summer or early fall.

i remember beginning to spot around ten weeks, nobody really thought much about it. neither did i. but i went in to have a sonogram. we saw the heartbeat and everything was fine. earlier the next week, i began to spot again and went into the emergency room, because it was a sunday night. they did another sonogram and said just to go home and take it easy. i went in the next morning to my doctor and they said they could no longer find a heartbeat. they sent me across the street to shannon to have a better sonogram. they came up with the same conclusion. as we sat in the doctors office, he began to tell me that i had a choice, i could wait a few days and have the miscarriage naturally or i could schedule a d and c. i said i would like to wait a few days. he said either way they would have to go in and make sure that everything was ok. i left the room knowing that God would use us in someway in this, and that he was in control. i even remember witnessing to the doctor as he told me i was taking this very well. i went to the ladies of the church to see what i should do and was met with the old speech if you have enough faith God would bring my baby back. i remember them shattering the faith that i had, thinking that i had caused this somehow. but God was so gracious to me. he sent me two beautiful women who had been through the same thing and they told me that it was very painful to have the miscarriage naturally, and that the doctors would have to go in there and check things out anyway. they said to ease my heart, to have one more sonogram, before the d and c began just to make sure their was no heartbeat. their words brought much comfort to me and i followed their advice.

i lost our first baby the fall that i graduated, from college. i remember feeling so numb. but somehow i knew that God would take care of us. little did i know that the real trial was about to began. it was after christmas, that i remember my world starting to crumble. i really thought that we would get pregnant just as soon as we learned it was safe to begin again. but that did not happen. and that is where the inner struggle began. every month i would have a new revelation of when we would conceive. i was going to have twins, nope that was not for me, it was for my little sister. she became pregnant with twins. ok try again, i am going to have the first son on the poynor side, nope that was my sister-in-law in dallas. ok i was going to have a little brown haired brown eyed boy, nope that was my best friend from high school that i was still in touch with. ok God i know your up there was my last desperate cry. i'll never forget the night that my sister-in-law called to tell us that they were accidentally pregnant. they already had a daughter that was in jr.high and another in 5th grade. i was so devastated. we lived about six blocks away from david's parents. my mom-in-law looked at me to see if i was ok, i shook my head yes, but inside i thought i was being punished. maybe if, i was catholic, ( my in laws are)maybe if i...... you fill in the blank. i remember walking out of their house david following behind me, i just turned to david and said, please i just want to walk home by myself. he let me.

as i walked home, i just cried out to God out loud, if i had cancer you would help me,if i was a drug addict, if i was a prostitute you would care. but i am just this stupid servant girl who has loved you all of her life, served you, taught sunday school, did the youth group, tithed, and where are you. you are nowhere that i am. i remember walking and yelling at God for a long time. i got home later that night, i just went to bed. i didn't get out of bed for three days.

during that three days, i just laid in bed crying out to God, where are you? when i finally fell asleep, i had a dream. in this dream, i was in a hole in the ground screaming and yelling for anyone to help me, please someone help me. no one did. i just sat in this hole, begging and crying for anyone to come and lift me out. i looked up, and there shone a brilliant light. it was God. and in the dream He said that one day i would stand in front of a large crowd and tell my testimony of how God had delivered from us from infertility, and blessed us with a child.

now you think i would have awaken with a renewed heart, a fresh hope, but i didn't, i was so angry. i got out of bed that morning only to start searching the scripture to prove that God was a liar. i searched the scriptures high and low to find one woman in the bible who asked God for a child, and He hadn't delivered one. i remember i became very bitter and angry and very difficult to be around. david and i were still in faithful attendance to church, but i was dead in side. oh don't get me wrong i knew how to put on a happy smile and fake it. but inside, i was a hollow shell.

in the fall of 95, david and i moved to dallas. we needed a fresh start and i couldn't find a job in san angelo. so we moved to addison. God was so merciful to me, even though i was still trying to prove that He was not faithful, He provided me with a great job at little elm texas. i was going to teach 4th grade. i had stopped searching the scriptures to discredit God, i had started to try to find real living people who He had not been faithful to in this area.

we started going to Christian Life Assembly, which is right down the street from prestonwood baptist church, it wasn't there then. we fell in love with that church and began helping with the youth. i was loving my job and church, but i was still numb inside and began to eat away the hurt. every little girl, in my class, i looked at might be what my little girl might look like, every little boy would be the answer to david's dream. i ate myself to 199lbs. food was my drug of choice. i just kept pushing those feelings of rejection by God, further and further down with each bite of food. we stopped trying to get pregnant with the aides of drugs, because a dr. in san angelo told us we would never get pregnant, and frankly i just didn't have it in me anymore.

after my first year of teaching, one day, my sister called me and told me i ought to go and try dr. martin in san antonio. i was so frighted, if we tried again with a real fertility doctor and it failed, then that was truly the end of the rope. i just couldn't. i had slowly began to make peace with God, during that first year of teaching, that it just wasn't His will for me to have children, and that I loved Him, and i could except that my life just would not include me having my own children. i had other children that i could make a difference in their life. Plus maybe david and i could maybe adopt one day. anyway she kept bugging me and we decided over spring break, maybe we would go to see him. you know the word sayes that are days are ordained even before one of them comes to pass. on the day that we decided to go and visit, God had his hand on us. we get to the office and we end up waiting for over 2 hours before he could see us. we were so mad. come to find out, a tornado went through one of the cities we had passed on the interstate while traveling up there. we had our appt. and everything went good. we were scheduled for i.u.i in the summer, and by the way he said it wouldn't hurt for me to lose some weight. when we went home, seeing all of the devastation made by the tornado, we thanked God for the delay.

we went home and i got to walking to try to lose weight. a few sundays later our pastor handed out a sheet of paper to all of us.he said that we were to write down whatever we had been believing god to do in our life, and he was going to lay them, on this military cot and that we were going to stretch out our hand and pray for whatever was written on the papers. i thought that a little strange, but when your desperate for something you will do anything. several sundays later he also lined up chairs for anyone who wanted prayer to sit in and they would be prayed for. so of course like the faithful obedient girl, i went once again to be prayed for.

well summer came and it was time to go to the doctor. i was nervous and scared and hopeful and excited all in the same breath. we had to stay for two weeks. every day i went in and the nurse gave me a fertility shot and measured my follicles. one day i remember the nurse saying it was time, the follicles were large enough. when she walked out of the room i began to cry and shake, david asked what was the matter and i said i feel like God is telling me that i needed to wait one more day. david said just tell the nurse and it will be ok. when the nurse came back in she noticed that i was crying, i told her that this may seem crazy, but i feel the Lord telling me to wait one more day. i was so scared, but i knew God was telling me to wait. she said that that would be ok.

when we came in the next day to get the shot that would release the follicles, the doctor said we had to many follicles ,and that the only way he would continue, was if we signed a paper that said we would have selective reduction if too many eggs were fertilized. we said no way. we asked if he would let us sign a paper that released him of any responsibility for multiple births. he reluctantly agreed. the i.u.i was done the next day and we could go home.

i will never forget the day we found out we were pregnant. i had come home from an in service, because school was starting. the phone rang, i answered it. it was the nurse. she asked if i was sitting down. i said no. she said you'd better. i knew. i just knew. i don't even remember what she said after that. Praise God i knew. God was faithful, in spite of me. in spite of all of the horrible things i had said and done. He was faithful. i remember going and getting my bible and turning to the story of Hannah in the bible. i remember praising God with the same ferverance that hannah had done when she learned that she was pregnant with samuel. i told God that she would always be dedicated to Him no matter what. even though hannah was born 4 weeks early because i had high blood pressure and my placenta started to come away from the uteran wall, i knew everything would be ok.

p.s. several weeks later i did stand in front of 1,500 people at Christian Life Assembly Church and testify to the goodness of God. we dedicated hannah in that church.

Here is one thing that i know 2 kids later, that nothing can separates us from the love of God. He is forever faithful, forever constant, forever God.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are only three words to describe the book that i have just finished. oh my goodness................ i have just finished the first book in a series of three from francine rivers. the name of the book is a voice in the wind. and yes early in the morining, or when i wake up,i will be getting the next book from the library.

for now i will only make one comment.....if only i could be, or have,1/16 of the faith and courage and conviction that she has.

simply amazing. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a wonderful day at the pool......

i just wanted to say what a wonderful day i had at the pool. today i got to get a little closer to a precious lady that goes to our church. i have know her for a little while through various things at our church. but today was special because i got to know her even better. she is bright, articulate, funny, sweet and kind. she is as beautiful on the inside, as she is on the outside.she is an amazing woman and it is an honor to call her my friend. her kids were such a delight to play with. and i even got a special kiss from her daughter, who i hear, doesn't give them away easily.

it was such a perfect day for the pool. it was just a little overcast and cool, so we did not burn up. there were not many kids there, so we basically had the pool to our selves starting at 3:30. we had such a great time. my children had such a good time playing with her kids and i had a wonderful time visiting with her.

thank you for coming with me today. you were a bright spot in my day. you are star that shines so brightly , i don't even think you know how loved you are. what a blessing it is to have beautiful amazing women in my life. i walked away feeling so thankful for the wonderful afternoon.

i pray peace, outrageous joy, love, and happiness over you and your family. May God so richly shine his love down upon you. May you feel His warmth and serenity everyday of your life. i pray that his richest blessing be yours for now and forever.

thank you for a wonderful day. i look forward to more of them. Angela, you are an incredible woman and a valued friend. thanks!!!!!!!!

blessing are always on the other side of obedience....

here is a scripture that God laid on my heart to write on my blog. a friend gave me this scripture when i was going through a very difficult time this school year. i hope it speaks life to you the way it did me. it wasn't very long and the truth prevailed in my situation. truth and blessings will prevail in yours too. God is no respctor of persons. what He does for one, he will do for another. just hang on to God's everlasting word. hide it in your heart in due season it will bring fruit into your life. blessing are always on the other side of obedience. in this case God just called me to remain faithful in Him in the midst of a struggle.

Psalm:27
The Lord is my light and salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear: though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling: he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle an set me high up upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me: at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with a shout of joy: I will sing an make music to the Lord. Hear my voice when I call, o Lord:be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, seek His face! your face oh Lord I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper..... Teach me your way oh Lord: lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors..... I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living .
Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

vacation here we come ....

today we began our search for a hotel close to sea world.

we are going on vacation next week. i am so excited for so many reasons. when i was little we never had much money. my dad was a salesman and my mom was a nurse. now you may be thinking that sounds like a good living to me, but i have six, yes six brothers and sisters. that is a total of nine living in a three bed room house. it was crowded but my parents made it work. but my parents made sure we always had a great christmas( not like kids have it today) and a vacation every year. we always took great vacations. my parents would save their income tax check and we would go for a week of camping in various K.O.A.'s.(kampers of america) does anyone out there remember koa's. we would go all over the western part of the united states. (utah, new mexico, nevada, colorado) we had such fun. we have been kind of looking for a camper trailer so we could continue the tradition. david said, that was the way they vacationed when they were little too. isn't that cool, God not only gave my the best man for me, but he also allowed us to have some of the same experiences as children. That God!!!

anyway we are going to take the girls to sea world and they are so excited. we are only going to stay for 2 nights and 3 days, we have spent so much money on our air conditioner and plumbing this summer, our vacation is going to be short. oh, don't get me wrong i am not complaining. i feel blessed that we can take time at all. i remmeber the days when we couldn't do anything.

i will try to have some good pictures and plenty of good stories for you.

ttfn...

even our steps are ordered.........

God is so awesome. late saturday night, i remembered that i had nursery duty on sunday. now as many of you know, my family has been coming to church with me for sometime now. i am very protective of them,as it is an honor that they are coming with me and are beginning to feel that it is their church, too. well it was too late on saturday to tell my niece that i had nursery duty on sunday, and with getting two girls ready for church, i didn't have time to call her and tell her that i would not be in the sanctuary.

when i got to the nursery, i looked on the calendar only to realize that it wasn't even my turn to have the nursery. who would think that i would get so confused. ( not actually, i spend most of my days mixed up)so i wondered about what to do, but felt an urging to stay int he nursery even though it wasn't my turn.

church ended and we were cleaning up the nursery and in walks my niece. i immediately apologize to her. i asked her if church was good. she said it was awesome and the evangelist's sermon was great. i asked if she had to sit by herself. she said at first she did, but then someone from chapter 1 came and sat by her during service and that she was really nice.

i was thinking about that this morning, when my sister called. i told her that my niece loved service and that she didn't have to sit in the service by herself. i told her that it must have been a divine appointment. she knew the girl, who went and sat by morgan, she said she knew who i was speaking about and that she was very nice and agreed that it must have been a divine appointment.

go figure, God is as protective of my precious niece, as i am. how quickly i forget.

even our steps are ordered by God.

p.s. thank you stacy for being used in such a simple way by god that ministered so greatly to my niece. love ya girl.

way too late.....

well it is 1:30 on monday morning and i have gotten myself into a terrible pattern. i am staying up way too late. everyone at my house goes to bed around 11:30. don't get me wrong i love the time to myself, but i have got to start training myself to go to bed earlier and not take a 2 hr nap in the afternoon. this happens to me every summer. i get involved in some book, now it is voices in the wind, by francine rivers. i just started it yesterday and i am on chapter 7. each chapter is about 18-20 pages.

it is a very good book, i just have to start putting it down a little earlier. is any other teacher out there found yourself in the same predicament? oh well i guess i will enjoy this treat for about three more weeks and then i will have to ween myself back into the routine.

i don't really have anything important to say, i just wanted to write on my blog.

sweet dreams.....

and the petals fall......

it's a two boxer................

i have just read one of the most redemptive books ever. it is called the atonement child. it is written by francine rivers and boy will it take your breath away. it is so candid and raw. it deals with a very difficult situation. i won't tell you what it is, because it might make you not want to read it. but it is so worth it.

God's redemptive power is so amazing it transcends time and paper. His power and grace and mercy and love just pour out of the pages. there were times that He is speaking to the main character, and you feel like he is talking to you. what a powerful book.


thank you Jesus for you mercy and grace. we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. His redemptive power spills off the pages and into your lap as you are reading this book. did i already say that. thank you that you are no respecter of persons and that you love us all just the same. we can never earn your love. but it is always waiting for us at the other end of your redemptive power.

you will laugh, cry, be humbled, and be uplifted.

like i said before it's a two boxer.......

i am carrying my girls to college....

i have decided that i am carrying my girls to college. now david has said that from the beginning and i agree. we had to wait so long for the blessing of our children, i never want to leave them. it is during the summer that i get to know my girls in way that i wouldn't normally, if i wasn't a teacher. we get to have so many mornings that it is just me and them, because david is flying. he has been flying alot lately. don't get me wrong, i miss him, but it is nice when it is just me and the girls. we play games, paint our nails, watch movies, go to the park, play in the sand, and just get to visit with each other.

i am truly blessed to have the wonderful girls that i do. i value them, i delight in them, i cherish them. it is in these times that i God whispers to me that he loves me the way i love them. what a precious God we serve. it is in these times that i look into hannah or bekah's eyes and feel all the love that a mother could ever feel. it is in these times that i feel complete and full of joy. it is in these times that i am overwhelmed with warm mushy feelings that only come from being a mother. it is truly the best gift in the world. i ask God daily to refresh me, make me the mother he intended me to be for these girls. it is then that i ask God to watch over my girls and protect them and fill their lives with joy and peace. it is there that i pray that david and i raise the girls to be everything God intended them to be. i pray for every aspect of their lives. i feel so unworthy to raise them and God gently reminds me that i am not alone. He is with me every step of the way. leading and guiding me. helping me to show them a Godly example of what a mother looks like and acts like.

i have to admit i have made many mistakes. i have cared more about keeping the house clean instead of playing together with them. i have spent to much time with others instead of focusing on them. i have watched too much t.v. instead of going outside with them. i have been frustrated when i should have been compassionate. i have yelled when i should listened. God forgive me. it is then in the quiet of the night when God softly speaks to my heart and whispers," Be still and know that I am God. I have everything under control even their future. you have dedicated them to Me before they were born. I have not forsaken them or you. I will be here forever with you. " I have equipped you to be their mother."

it is there when i get on my knees and with a heart full of gratitiude and eyes full of tears that i thank Him. and He lifts me up only to rejuvenate my spirit.

i have decided i am carrying my girls to college, if only in my heart.

My Girls

it is late at night and i am reading the blogs, they way i do, late at night. today was just an ordinary summer day. we got up at 10:30 a.m. can you tell it is the middle of summer? we are all staying up so late.

one of the things that i enjoy doing with my girls is watching what not to wear and 10 years younger on TLC. we love those shows. now bekah and hannah always ask me if i would wear what they tell the people to wear on their show. of course i say yes. but who can afford $250 for a pair of slack and $350 for a cashmere sweater and $200 for a pair of shoes? but i know what you are thinking they don't have to pay for it, that is why they are on the show. would someone please nominate me for that show. i would share. our favorite part is when they cut the hair. hannah and i talk alot about whether we like what nick does. there have been a few times that we don't. hannah will say to me mama, you used to cut hair, i bet you could do a much better job than that.

we also like 10 years younger because you get to see the end result quicker. after supper we went to the park and hannah played in the sand box and i pushed bekah on the swing. we didn't go until 8, because it is so hot. after the girls showered, we sat down to play sorry. our family loves that game. we play it at least three times a week. i know, i know, your thinking it's time to get a new game. but we just love to watch rebekah and hannah send each other home with the sorry card. they both have their own special way of torturing the other as they send them home. tonight the rule was to lick one of the pieces, after it got to home and to stick it on our forehead for the duration of the game. of course this set in motions all sorts of laughter, that makes the game playing longer. we love games at our house.

both of us (David and myself) grew up playing games at our houses. i am thankful for that tradition that i can pass down to my kids. i tomorrow i will go out and buy another game for us to play. not that you needed to know that. i just thought i would share it.

after i finish here i am going to read one of the best books i have come across in a long time. the name of it is the atonement child. it is written by francine rivers. she writes great books. check her out some time. redeeming love is my favorite. but be warned, once you start you will not be able to put it down.

anyway thanks for stopping by today and sharing my life with me. i look forward to seeing you again.

ABSOLUTE..........

today was an awesome service. pastor david did an incredible sermon. he was talking about faith. all of the different types of faith there are. his text came from james:2. he said a lot of really great things, but the things that he said that really ministered to my spirit was having an absolute trust in God. the word the really stuck in my heart and mind was absolute.

if a person has an absolute idea or thought, it is with complete and unmovable determination. there are many times in my life that i lose sight of that word. or it doesn't even come into play. absolute. there are no questions there. no faltering, no stumbling and no room for doubt.

the Holy Spirit really started speaking to my heart about all of the cares of this world that make for distractions in my life and turn my focus off of God. there is an old hymn that sayes, oh the peace we often forfeit. how many times have i been so guilty of that. sometimes our circumstances seem so overwhelming, that we totally focus on that. or even minor situations or just regular everyday life prevents us or keeps us so distracted from God that we forget how much He truly loves us.

he loves us so much. i think if we really knew how much, i mean really knew,we would be unstoppable. the word also tells us that just for a moment is our affliction. we are not to grow weary in doing good for in due season we shall reap a harvest. but we can' t even work the feild when our focus is off of Christ and his absolute love for us. if we knew how much He loved us then our faith in Him would be absolute. I forget that He will never let anything come into to my path the with Him, i can't handle.

absolute trust. knowing that all things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

My Dearest Jesus,
Please help me to have absolute trust in you. I realize this may be asking for opportunities for me to exercise this in my life, but i don't care. I want to totally trust you. Relax in you. Rest in you no matter what. I know you dearly love me and that you are constantly working for my good. Help me stay focused on you. You are every breathe i take. you are my life and i am so blessed that you listen to my ramblings no matter how long. You are my best friend and constant companion. You are my true confidant and my trust lies solely in you. I want to show my girls what a mother looks like who totally puts her trust in you. I want to show them what a woman of faith is. I love you Jesus. Take total control of my heart life and soul.

p.s. Thank you for bringing your promises to fruition. You know what i mean. You are so faithful.

Your daughter,
Kim

simple entertainment

i spent a great morning with my family. david had gone to the store yesterday with the kids to rent some movies. movies are a big source of entertainment at our house. one of the movies that the girls picked out was a night at the museum. what a fantastic movie. we had such a great time watching it as a family. we started it at about 10:00 a.m. and finished it about 12:00.

one of the nice things we get to enjoy is sleeping in late during the summer. my girls are old enough to let us sleep in and get themselves some juice and a pop tart until we are awake. sometimes when we get up we have a real breakfast, if the girls want it , sometimes not. what a wonderful blessing it is to sleep in until 9:00.

i enjoy watching my girls laugh at the movie during funny parts. that is one of the best parts about being a mom, is seeing things through my kids eyes. rediscovering things that have grown dull or unexciting to my eyes are a wondrous discovery through their eyes.

anyway it was a great day.

a delightful treat.................

today is a day we celebrate freedom. i am so thankful for friends who listen and respond with a heart full of love. my last blog was a little down, but i am thankful for friends who give encouraging words. wise words. words that speak true to my heart. so to all of you friends who read my blog and offer encouraging words THANKS. may you find your days filled with joy unspeakable and full of laughter.

on this independence day, i am thankful for my daughters and family. we went to comanche for hannah's softball tournament. we didn't win, but it was a great day with the family. i am proud of hannah. she plays with all of her heart. and gives it her best. today God blessed me with a visit with a dear old friend. we used to teach together and now she teaches in ballinger. we visited during all of the games. her daughter was asked to be on our team as a fill in.

then after we finished one of hannah's friends parents asked us to their ranch so the girls could ride horses. hannah and bekah and nicole rode horses for about half an hour. they had the best time. they were almost squealing.

so thank you God for this delightful independence day. thank you for all of the freedoms we share.

unsettled spirit????????

do you ever have an unsettled spirit? i am experiencing that even as i write. i don't know why. could it be something new on the horizon? or a change of some sort? is God taking me to a new place? for the past several days i have had an unexplainable unsettled spirit.

nothing has gone wrong. nothing that i can put a finger on. i have to admit i have had many summers off and this is the first one that has just felt awkward for some reason. i can't put my finger on it. it just feels different. i know the word tells us to be anxious for nothing, and not to rely on our own understanding, and i am really trying to do that. but for some reason i just feel unsettled.

i have to put down all the lies of the enemy. i know that. i will wait and trust in the Lord. i know that this to shall pass. i just thought i would see if anyone else ever feels this way.

the man in my life..............

today i have had a wonderful lazy day. just a day with my family. david was supposed to fly but ended up having to cancel, because of the weather at his destination place. all of you know my husband. the wonderful man that he is. he is truly the most giving person i know. there isn't a single moment that he doesn't live his life for others. and he is so funny. there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't make me laugh.

i have had the joy of knowing him for 21 years. wow has it been that long. what do you say about a man who knows you at the core of your being and loves you anyway. i look at him and know that God loves me. He gave me such a beautiful husband and best friend. we have definitely gone through some difficult times, but as a result our love and commitment towards each other has only intensified. there is nothing like knowing that you are with the man that God created just for you. how blessed i am.

david is a terrific husband and an incredible father. his girls look at him with adoring eyes. their faces light up every time he comes through the door. i know that they are going to have a great relationship with their heavenly father because of the example that david has set for them as their earthly father. not only that but they have such a great role model for what to look for when they start looking for a mate. that sets my heart a peace.

my darling,
i love you. you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. thank you for loving me and spending your life with me. thank you for helping me make two of the most beautiful girls that God ever created. i pray rich blessings over you. thank you for becoming the man that God intended you to be. it is a privilege being your wife. i look forward to spending eternity with you. may you find peace at every corner. may joy spill over in your heart. may you always know that i am behind you 100%. i love you forever.

ttfn.....................