Adjusting....

i am learning to adjust to life without david here all the time. i have to be honest, it is easier than i thought. (all the credit goes to the big guy upstairs.)

the girls and i have found a routine that we follow daily, or most of the time. i try to get everything done on the weekends, but invariably, something else pops up, and we just adjust.

i am amazed, i shouldn't be, but i am, how i feel like God has been preparing me for this particular time in my life for a long time. maybe my whole life. i feel stronger than i have ever felt in my whole life. like every step i have taken before was ordained for this moment in time. i know i keep talking about this on my blog. many years ago i would not have responded to the well to recent developments.

i have always felt so weak, so insignificant, so unimportant. most of my life i always tried to measure up. always feeling like i never made the mark or even came close to it. always trying to get the approval of someone, anyone, just anyone. working so hard just to be good enough. don't get me wrong, i had glimpses of glitter. i had moments of shining. i had times that were good even great. but then the moment would fade, and that old feeling would come back to me.

but something is different now. something is new now. i have know Christ for so long. or thought i had. i know i was saved. but now it is different. i know what it is like to walk with Him, talk with Him, sit at His feet where nothing else matters. everything fades away. i know that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me. i do not get my joy from anyone else but Christ. i have learned that when we get our joy from Him and totally lean on Him. it doesn't matter what else is going on in our lives, we can be at peace and rest in the One who created us.

but i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. and something deep inside me says it won't. i feel at peace, in Him. i feel strong, in Him. i feel safe, in Him. i feel amazingly full of joy, in him. my cup runneth over. i am complete, in Him. how can i ever say thank you? thank you, Jesus.

i am so happy for my hubby. every time i talk to him, his radiance just comes pouring through the phone. he is so excited. for the first time in my life, my happiness for him precludes any feelings that i thought i would have. it is an honor to be his wife and the mother of his children.

i feel like a new bird learning to leave the nest. soon to soar with the eagles.

every step i take, i take in You, You are my way Jesus. every step i take i take in You.
every breathe i take, i breathe in You, You are my way Jesus. every breathe i breathe in You.
waves of mercy..........