I JUST WANTED TO TYPE..........

i just wanted to type. i don't really know anything. i do know however that i really was nervous this morning, waiting to hear about a job today. i was so expecting to hear today.i was told in my interviews that i would start hearing something today. i was really nervous. i haven't felt that nervous in a very long time. maybe the first time i was waiting to hear back from david after a date. so finally i couldn't take it anymore and i called kathy to check on the status of my resume'. she said that they were told to wait another day or so in a principals meetig yesterday. GREAT!!!!!!!!

i wanted to have that area taken care of. i am so ready for all of this to be taken care of. how many times will i say that in this blog. when your life hasn't had a significant change in many years the anticipation of a change can be paralysing. just waiting, keeps you hanging in the wire. waiting for things to get started. waiting for the house to sell. waiting for april 29th to get here so that your taks for this year can be over with. waiting to see where you will live. waiting for just the right time to start packing your house, your class, places you have been for the last ten years. waiting, waiting, waiting

i have peace, but some days i can feel the peace wearing thin. where will i be? where will the girls and i live? where will we go to church? will we be lonely when david is gone on his job for weeks at a time? will the girls meet new friends, will i? i love meeting people, but sometimes the effort can be exhausting. i am finding in this stage in my life my energy for making friends is waining.

will the new ladies at my new job really like me? will they think i am funny? will i have anything to offer my students? will the people in the new area where we live love us? will we feel all alone? i am sometimes afraid. most of the time i am strong, i find my strenght in the Lord, but i am human. i fall sometimes, i crash sometimes, i don't want to get up sometimes, i just want to lay there and dissolve into nothingness. these are some of the thoughts that i think about sometimes. i am not good with uncertainty. i want things solved. but we don't always get that choice. i don't like living in the middle of uncertainty. but i don't think i am really ready to move. i have to admit that sometimes i think that we really won't move. how about that for denial. have you ever had your whole life planned out in your mind only to have it totally shaken up? that is how i truly feel. i am so excited for david, but feel totally at a loss for me and the girls. i feel lost.

all of this has been a true test of my faith. not in God, not in His faithfulness, but just a test. does that make since. i am so going to miss my family. it hurts.i love my sisters so much. i am going to miss my nieces having their babies. seeing my nephew raise his children. watching my younger nieces and nephew become Godly young men and women. i am so going to miss my friends. all of the fun times we had and all of the great conversations sometimes filled with tears we were laughing so hard. i know we will try to keep in touch, but it still is a loss. i know God can see tomorrow , for that i am so thankful. if i did not , i would not survive this move. i like the familiar.

will anyone that i care and love watch my girls turn into lovely young women of God? watch all of the incredible things they do in power of the Lord. who will watch them play sports and all of the plays that they might be in?

everyday the reality of the move gets closer and closer. it becomes more real. it is more real.
i will trust in the Lord for I know the plans He has for me. He will keep my feet from slipping. All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called to His purpose.

Peace, Peace, wonderful peace, flowing down from the Father above. Sweep over my spirit forever I pray...... in fathomless billows of love.

I know the peace speaker, I know Him by name.

ttfn...............